TBP #1

 I got here by not walking the line. I probably also listened to too much Johnny Cash for my own good, but it's not Johnny's fault.

My name is Shane, I'm 33, and I've been in Texas prison since 2012. Long story short, a few young and dumb kids were at a drug deal gone bad, and when one of the guys attacked me, I got scared. I had a gun. I used it. I have since been haunted by what happened. It all happened so fast, in the blink of an eye, operating on instinct. I never wanted to hurt anyone, but risky situations sometimes manifest in the worst-case scenario, and now I will regret that day for the rest of my life. Sometimes, I think deeply about what happened -- lost in my mind, alone in my cell when I do, I feel really bad. I believe that I have a story to tell. I hope that my life's not over. I started TPB to tell my story, which might end up nothing more than speaking into the void. Because who's going to read this, right? Honestly, right now, it doesn't even matter if the answer is "no one." As someone who has developed the (possibly disconcerting) habit of talking to myself (in prison...) -- can't remember when it started, but don't remember doing it before -- I've long ago learned the value of putting my thoughts into concrete words as an effective way to work through them. Besides, we all talk to ourselves most of the day anyway -- but if you sometimes do it out loud while alone, does THAT make you crazy? I don't think so. If anything, it's like a diary that keeps me sane. Might be interesting to have a record. Maybe in a few years when I'm out of here, this repository of my thoughts will have developed into an effective script to tell my story. Lord knows there's going to be a lot of that... That night was never meant to be so irreversibly life-changing, and I don't just mean for me. Sometimes, when I hear the families of gun violence victims talk on the radio, it hits me really hard, all the pain I'm responsible for. I regret so much that I was so reckless -- I didn't realize something so bad could happen so fast -- do I deserve another chance at life? I hope so, because I want it. And I'm not gunna waste it. It's not the enemy you see that gets you -- it's the one you don't. I was my own worst enemy. But now I hope to be the prodigal son. Contact me at www.securustech.net # 01837449 Shane Austin Navasota, TX 10 July 2024